Ahh, the birthday party invitation dilemma. It hits all parents at one point or another. In preschool, it’s easy. Invite the whole class or keep the party to family and parents of kids you like. The family/cool parent party is usually a more casual affair, while the whole class option forces the parent to fork out $14 a child for a cup of tokens and a singing rodent. Whichever the case, the birthday kid always has a great time.
But, when it comes to birthday party planning, its not really about the kid is it? After a couple of years of shelling out for 20 or so children, parents are tired and broke. A party with just a couple close friends is far more attractive, 
cheaper and easier. So, with this birthday downsizing comes the dreaded cut in the invitation list. Children are forced to choose five or six of their very best friends.
In Kindergarten, my daughter did not make the cut to a party and was devastated. I decided at that moment that I would either invite the whole class to her party or not have one at all. I opted for the not have one at all option and from ages 5 to 8, and focused on one-friend trips to Disney or dinner with a couple close, non-school friends.
Well, I was able to get by until this year when, out of laziness and some peer pressure, I let my four-year-old have his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Which, predictably, I invited his whole preschool class. Because of this I promised my daughter she too could have a party.
Against my better judgement, I caved into the pleas for a slumber party out our house. Unfortunately, our house is small, so inviting all the girls in the class was out of the question. After much haggling, we settled on my daugher being able to invite five friends. Two of the non-school friends and three from school.
Picking the three girls from school to invite was quite a process. One girl definitely was invited because she was my daughter’s best friend. Well, I thought someone else was her best friend, but apparently the now ex-best friend had not invited my daughter to her birthday party and was no longer her BFF. While I did not like “the choosing”, my daughter seemed to revel in it. It was finally her opportunity to strike a little bit of revenge on the people who had not invited her to their parties. Part of me had a moment of satisfaction in that as well, as I was the one that had to pick up the pieces when my daughter came home crying after not receiving an invite to someone’s party that we thought was a friend. But my better sense kicked in.
I knew that once wind of the birthday party got out, some of the girls who were not invited would go home and ask why they weren’t invited to a birthday party. I hated that I was being one of those people who was doing to others what they had done to my daughter. So, I instructed my daughter to quietly put the invitations in her friend’s mailboxes when no one was around, and not make a big deal about it.
Well, that day, she forgot the invitations in my car and came home crying. Another girl had handed out invitations in the middle of the day and according to my daughter made a very big deal about it. To make matters worse, my daughter was not invited and the girl’s party was on the same day as my daughter’s!!!
This about sent me over the edge, and I decided I was going to find a place somewhere that 25 eight and nine-year-olds could have a great time because the whole darn class was now coming to her party. After a moment or two of reflection on the price of this, I changed the date of the party so that the girls invited to both parties would not have to choose.
I may be over-reacting, but the whole birthday party thing really is ridiculous. I understand the need for a small party, but do other children really have to suffer? They have all of their teens for that, why start when they are in elementary school.
I’ve read articles about schools that have a policy that you invite the whole class or none at all. That seems a bit extreme to me, but I kind of like the idea as well - at least no one’s feelings get hurt.
Well, a couple of days after my meltdown about the whole situation, my daughter got an invitation in her box. ALL of the girls in the class were invited. I had to hand it to the mom, she did the right thing and is perhaps a better woman than I am!
I guess I need to come to terms with the fact that this is something we are all going to have to deal with. Thoughts? How do you deal with your child’s disappointments?
